Loss and grief make their way into each of our lives; it’s an inevitable part of life. While you have no control over when, where and how grief will show up, you do have a choice about how to respond to it. One response is to practice self-love. With time and effort, self-love can become an integral part of your journey.
Navigating grief is a personal journey often accompanied by a myriad of emotions. The thought of practicing self-love during this time may seem daunting, but it is an essential tool for healing and growth. Before delving into some practical ways to integrate self-love into your grief journey, let’s pause to explore the concepts of self-love, loss and grief.
Understanding self-love, loss and grief
Self-love is you making a conscious decision to prioritize your own well-being, unapologetically. It is learning to care for yourself holistically – emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially. Self-love is not selfish nor is it an excuse for immoral behavior. It is a process of discovery and practice, which can profoundly benefit your grief journey. As Merilu Hill stated in her book Reprogram Your Mind – A Guide to Self-Love, “self-love instills resilience and power in you when life throws challenges your way.”
Loss is being deprived of something or someone you valued or cared deeply about. It can be the physical absence of someone as the result of death, divorce or separations. Loss can also result from events such as health challenges, career/job changes and shifts in one’s identity. Grief is the natural, normal and necessary response or reaction to loss. It is multifaceted and ebbs and flows like the waves of an ocean. It is not linear meaning you will not move through your grief process in a straight line. Grief has no expiration date; it lasts as long as it lasts. Everyone’s journey is different, even when grieving for the same person or event and learning to lean into self-love without compromise can be a challenge in and of itself.
Here are some practical ways to embrace self-love during your grief journey:
Believe you are worthy.
To successfully practice self-love, you must first believe that you are worthy of it. If this feels challenging, think about someone you value and how you show love to them because you believe they deserve it. Now, extend that same love to yourself. It’s okay to start small. It may feel awkward in the beginning, but with practice it will begin to feel natural.
Make rest a priority.
Making rest a priority extends beyond getting more sleep. Have you ever gotten a good night’s sleep only to wake up feeling exhausted? As Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith stated in her book Sacred Rest – Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity, “sleep is not rest.” Rest encompasses activities that restore you holistically. Seek restorative practices such as breathwork, relaxing your muscles, pause and be present with yourself to name a few.
Honor your journey.
Your journey is yours alone and should not be compared to anyone else’s. Comparing yourself to others can diminish your unique experience. Lean in and embrace what it is that will help you move forward on this journey. Focus on what you need and want as you navigate your path without compromising your well-being.
Set healthy boundaries.
Healthy boundaries will help you feel more comfortable and in control of your life and how you manage your grief. The wonderful thing about it is that you get to choose what boundaries you want to set and for which areas of your life. Don’t think of boundaries as barriers, rather a way to set clear expectations for yourself and for others.
Find your support.
There may be times when those closest to you do not understand you and your grief journey. It doesn’t mean they don’t care; they may just not know what to do or say. In such cases, seek out others who can provide the support you desire. Look for support gatherings both in person or online as well as counselors, therapists, spiritual leaders, grief coaches and grief educators. You can find a wealth of options here at grief.com.
Give yourself grace, pivot when needed.
Change is inevitable. Your self-love needs and desires will evolve as you continue to navigate your journey. What works one day may not work for you the next day. Embrace the evolution of the process, be willing to experiment to find what serves you best at any given time and always be gentle with yourself.
Moving forward
Practicing self-love without compromise will help you build the confidence and resilience you need to navigate your grief journey which can be challenging in and of itself. Keep moving forward by believing in your self-worth, making rest a priority, honoring your journey, building a supportive community and embracing change. Remember it’s a process – practice by taking one step at a time.
