Question
How do we prepare ourselves for the end of a relationship? What do we do when we know it has to end but we procrastinate because we know once it ends, it’s going to hurt?
Answer
This is a great question and one that isn’t talked about very often. When we think of grief, we often think of grieving someone who has passed away, not someone who is alive and kicking, right? However, I often explain that people grieve many things other than death. We grieve the loss of jobs. During the pandemic, many grieved the loss of certainty and the predictability we had before the pandemic, and we grieve the loss of relationships that we know must end to protect our wellbeing. So, the question is how does one prepare for the grief that comes with ending a relationship and the answer is simple though it isn’t easy – rip the bandaid off.
Sometimes the healing can temporarily hurt more than the actual cause of the pain. We have to remind ourselves that some relationships are for a reason, a season or a lifetime. So, when you find yourself in a reason or seasonal relationship, you have to allow yourself to accept and be grateful for the good and positive things that happened and acknowledge that it’s time for the relationship to end.
Ending the relationship doesn’t always have to be direct, meaning you don’t have to call that person and say “we aren’t friends anymore.” However, you can initiate the ending by unfollowing on social media, deleting text messages and pictures, getting rid of items that remind you of that person, and avoid going to the same places or events you know that person frequents for a while. That said, there are times when a more direct approach is necessary, especially if the relationship has become toxic or harmful to your well-being. For example, if you are in a relationship (romantic or friendship) with someone who consistently disrespects your boundaries, belittles you or engages in behavior that causes you emotional distress, it may be crucial to communicate your decision openly.
In these situations, having a conversation where you express your feelings honestly and explain why you need to step away can help provide clarity and closure for both parties. It may be uncomfortable, but being direct can sometimes be the most compassionate choice for your mental health and personal growth, ensuring that there is no ambiguity about the end of the relationship.
Ultimately, preparing yourself for the end of a relationship is about honoring your emotions and recognizing that it’s okay to feel a range of feelings, from sadness to relief. Acknowledging that the end of a relationship can hurt, even when you know it’s the best decision, is an important step in your healing journey. Remember, it’s not just the end that matters but also the process of healing, which can bring new growth and understanding about yourself.
By allowing yourself to grieve, creating a strong support network and practicing self-care, you can navigate the end of a relationship with compassion and clarity. The pain will eventually subside, and in its place, you will find new strength, self-awareness and the possibility of more fulfilling connections in the future.
