I was a little girl staying at my cousin’s house when my aunt came into the room to wake us up. I can still remember the bunk beds: I was on the top one. All she said was, “Get ready, we are going to church.”
My fifteen-year-old sister had been hit by a drunk driver and killed instantly. I remember standing at the coffin, confused and afraid, with no explanation from the adults around me. That moment left an imprint on me, though I couldn’t understand it at the time. I was only seven years old, and I had already experienced the fragility of life.
Years later, as a single mother for my two boys, Brian and Brendon, I poured my entire life into them. I worked full-time in customer service for over 35 years, structured my days around their needs and managed everything from school drop-offs to dinner, homework and bedtime. I was proud of being their rock, but I was also struggling. I was trapped in a cycle of anxiety, panic attacks and unhealthy coping mechanisms like drinking. My heart was in the right place. I thought I was putting my family first, but I didn’t realize that by neglecting my well-being, I was not setting the right example for them.
One day, Brian told me, “Mom, you live in fear, and that’s not a good life.” That moment was my wake-up call to begin a journey of healing and self-discovery. I learned that to prioritize your family, you must prioritize yourself, too. With their encouragement and support, I turned my life around, and I paid it forward by becoming a Certified Life Coach to help others, too. Here’s what I learned:
Set Healthy Boundaries
Prioritizing family doesn’t mean giving all of yourself all the time.Boundaries allow you to show up fully for your family without burning out.
- Learn to say no to things at work or home that drain you or don’t align with your priorities.
- Set clear expectations with your family about your personal time and work time. You might tell your kids, “I’ll spend quality time with you after one hour of work.”
- Teach your children boundaries by modeling them. When they see you protecting your time, they’ll learn to respect theirs, too.
Address Your Emotional Well-Being
You cannot pour from an empty cup, and your emotional state impacts your family more than you realize. Healing old wounds is one way I made big changes.
- For me, my childhood grief turned into lifelong anxiety. Therapy, coaching, and journaling can help you address any unresolved pain or trauma you may have from your past.
- Practice mindfulness or meditation daily. Even just five minutes while you are lying in bed can help reset your mind and emotions.
- Replace negative self-talk with empowering thoughts and affirmations. Remember, your thoughts create your feelings, which drive your actions. This is the basis of life coaching.
Make Time for Personal Growth
Personal growth isn’t selfish; it’s actually essential. When you grow, your family benefits from being around a more confident and happier version of yourself –
- Invest time in reading, learning or hobbies that inspire you. After years of feeling stuck, reading a new self-help book every month became my lifeline.
- Surround yourself with people who lift you up. Seek the kind of mentors, coaches or friends who encourage you and your dreams.
- Set goals outside of your family life. Whether it’s fitness, career aspirations or learning a new skill, give yourself permission to dream.
Be Fully Present
The best way to prioritize your family is to be truly present when you’re with them. Quality matters more than quantity, and you’ll feel better about taking time just for you.
- Set aside intentional family time without distractions. Put the phone down, close your laptop, and give your loved ones your undivided attention.
- Practice active listening. When your child or partner speaks, be present, validate their feelings, and connect on a deeper level.
- Schedule dedicated family time this week. Even just one hour of focused connection can make a meaningful impact on your loved ones.
Build Confidence Through Action
Fear held me back for years. I was afraid of everything: car accidents, the unknown and failure. Overcoming fear requires taking action, especially when it feels uncomfortable.
- Become the watcher of your thoughts and learn to question your fears. Ask yourself, What’s the worst that can happen? Most fears lose power when we face them head-on.
- Take small steps toward things that scare you. Each step builds confidence and you are teaching your family to do the same in the process.
- Seek support when you need it. I hired a life coach and it changed my life. I also became a life coach myself after realizing the power of positive coaching.
Putting your family first doesn’t mean losing yourself. In fact, the best way to serve your family is to prioritize your well-being so you can show up happy and healthy for them. In the process, you will be teaching them to do the same. It’s a gift that will last a lifetime. As a single mom who once lived in fear, I know how hard it can be, but I also know it’s possible to transform your life—and in doing so, inspire your family to live more fully, too! Remember that when you make taking care of yourself a priority, you give your loved ones the best version of you. Start small, take action today, and trust the process. Your family deserves it, and so do you!
