My name is Ardenna Downing, I am a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and Licensed Professional Counselor.
I am an African American woman who is first generation everything. Most of my life I have worked on “figuring it out,” in order to survive, manage and thrive.
I am a licensed therapist and my motivation for this career path came from being the child of a mother who struggled with mental illness until her untimely death when I was exactly one week away from my 17th birthday. This event, along with other traumatic ones, influenced what I call a “sad spark” within myself. What I mean is, by experiencing unexpected grief, I learned to fearlessly take care of my wants and needs and approach life with a very flexible and daring attitude. In my mind, the worst had already happened, so why not approach life by “jumping in.”
The most recent evidence of this attitude is evidenced by my decision to move to California in January 2024 after having lived in Texas since January 2011, essentially thirteen years. My decision to leave was both personal, political, and professional. I made the difficult decision to leave my comfort zone that was also unhealthy for me in a variety of ways. I was experiencing significant distress in my career as a therapist and for the first time in my life had to consult an attorney regarding some of the laws in the state that could set me up to be sued by private citizens regarding reproductive rights. I had also experienced a major winter storm and witnessed the state’s poor response to this situation along with the mass shooting in Uvalde. As a children’s therapist at the time, I had had enough. The cumulation of these experiences amongst others prompted me to move.
Announcing my move to California was not always welcomed by the people around me. I was questioned, and one old friend flat out told me that they didn’t think I should leave. But what most people didn’t understand was that my own mental and emotional health was taking a toll and I needed a change. One catalyst for this change was having my student loans paid off after being a public servant for over 10 years. I was no longer bound by the requirements of the program and could freely choose my path.
So I left for my overall health and peace of mind. It has been challenging, but worth the effort. I noticed a shift within myself when moving to California professionally. Up until this point, I had always worked as an employee for an organization. Job security was very important to me, including healthcare, PTO, etc. I initially searched for employment and friends were sending me jobs and encouraging me as well. But there was a part of me that didn’t want to work for someone else, at least not initially.
I studied hard and fulfilled the requirements needed to be a licensed therapist in California. Once I obtained my license in May of 2024, I applied for jobs. I was interviewed and chosen for different employment opportunities. However, the conditions of employment for some of the companies seemed predatory, unethical and unrealistic. So I declined. Now I’m not sure if I want to go back to that life at all.
I own my own business as a therapist and also engage in contract work. As mentioned before, I am first generation everything. So being a business owner and learning how to navigate the contractor life in order to survive financially has been at times scary. This type of freedom feels unreal at times because while I have been grateful for my employment history, I was limited in how I could conduct business. I had always felt constricted by the boundaries of the organizations I had worked for.
As a business owner and contractor, I have more flexibility in my schedule which has been a great improvement to my mental, emotional, and physical health overall. I have had the opportunity to be featured on a podcast, write an article for a magazine, and have even participated in an acting class recently with a well known actress for new experiences. I have created a journal for people 40 years and up and am currently developing workshops on mental health topics that integrate art, which has always been a healing medium for me that was lost in my previous professional life. I will be hosting my first workshop in March 2025 and I am so excited to start this series!
Earlier this year I had the life changing opportunity of travelling to South Africa for a professional workshop that explored attachment, sand tray, poetry, and EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). This was both a life changing experience for me personally and professionally. I was asked to come back next Spring to be a group leader and look forward to returning to continue my professional and personal development. The knowledge gained from my first trip has and will be continued in my ongoing work.
I am pleased with my choices and do not regret leaving my life in Texas. I miss my family and friends, but if I did not leave, I felt that my spirit would have continued to dim. Since I have moved to California, some of my friends in Texas have commented on my “glow” and seeming to appear much happier. I attribute this to improved weather, new learning experiences and being by the water which has been healing. I was born on the East Coast and so bodies of water, especially the beach, has always been a place of balance for me. I am finally able to have more consistency with places that bring me happiness and joy.
My attempts to redesign my life and turn my pain into peace for myself is an ongoing process. Freedom doesn’t always feel free because of the unexpected transitions and changes that come along with it. My life would not be on the trajectory it is now if I had stayed put. I am finally prioritizing what is best for myself, and this journey has been worth it a thousand times over.
