Expert Advice from Ardenna Downing, Licensed Professional Counselor
Question
Dear Hope+Wellth, my family (extended family) is so toxic and the more I go to therapy and start healing, the harder they are to be around. How do I go about declining family invitations without causing more conflict and toxicity?
Answer
First, I’d like to applaud you for taking the time to work on yourself in therapy; it is a courageous thing to do! Sometimes a potential consequence of therapy is insight into unhealthy and negative family dynamics. This can create a great sense of discomfort. Discomfort gives us the opportunity to make changes, which aren’t always easy decisions.
So, to what degree do you want to decline the invitations? Do you want to completely separate yourself from family or engage in a compromise with yourself where you attend maybe some functions and not others, and/or give yourself a firm time limit on being around them? Perhaps you declining over time may be a doable transition.