By Cynthia Agyeman-Anane, Licensed Therapist
Learning Boundaries?
Did you know boundaries have power? Most of us grow up never being taught about the power of boundaries—their meaning and how to put them into practice. We move through life allowing others to cross and disrespect our boundaries without giving it a second thought. This is often evident in adult clients who show up in therapy feeling powerless. Powerless because they have been conditioned by society and family during childhood (through spoken and unspoken rules and expectations) to disregard their own boundaries.
Eventually, we enter workplaces and relationships—both with ourselves and others—disregarding our boundaries. When we set and maintain boundaries, we may experience shame, defined as ‘the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do, which makes us unworthy of connection’ (Daring Greatly by Brené Brown). This kind of internalized shame can have a debilitating impact on her overall functioning but especially our ability to learn, set and maintain boundaries.
