by Lynnette Price, MS Psychology
There was a time in my life when healing was THE goal. And to be honest, it needed to be. I was hurting on the inside and the outside. I had been through some things; things that left me unsure of who I was, what I needed or if I’d ever feel whole again. So, I went to therapy. I read all the self-help books. I even wrote a few. I journaled. I did the shadow work. I made playlists with affirmations. I opened every morning with mediation and prayer. I even started a wellness company to help other women with their mental health journeys. I was in it. And for a while, it helped. It gave me language for my pain. It gave me a sense of control. It gave me a reason to keep going when I felt lost. But somewhere along the way, I noticed something strange; I was doing all the “healing,” but I wasn’t actually living. I wasn’t exploring new passions or creating joy on purpose. I wasn’t pouring into my home or feeling rooted in my present. I wasn’t building the life I said I wanted. I was just working on myself…forever. It was like I’d turned healing into a lifestyle, a full-time job, a personality trait. And listen, this isn’t about shaming therapy or self-help. I have a Master’s of Science in Psychology and have been working in the mental health field for over 10 years. I believe in the power of healing. But, I’ve also seen firsthand how easy it is to confuse “doing the work” with avoiding life.
We don’t talk enough about the fact that though healing can be beautiful, sacred and necessary, it can also quietly morph into a trap. At first, it feels like freedom. You finally understand why you’ve been triggered. You learn to set and enforce boundaries. You can name the patterns. You have language for the hard stuff. That awareness is powerful and empowering, but then something happens. Healing becomes a comfort zone, a soft place to hide from actually living. It tells you things like…
- Don’t make any big decision, yet. You’re not ready.
- Don’t let people get too close. You haven’t healed that wound, yet.
- Don’t enjoy too much. There’s still trauma to process.
And when you’re deep in it, that logic makes perfect sense. You tell yourself that it’s wise, you’re being careful and you’re doing the work. But what if “the work” becomes just another delay tactic? What if you’ve made avoiding discomfort your highest goal and labeled it as growth? What if your boundaries have become an excuse to not show up with softness and intention, making you quick to analyze, but not to connect? Sometimes healing can be our excuse to hide behind the ways we’ve built to protect ourselves instead of living out loud. It can look like wisdom, but become avoidance. It can sound like peace, but become fear. It can feel like progress, but become paralyzing. Instead of moving forward with doing the things we really want to do, the things we’ve always dreamed of…like writing that book, starting our dream business, taking that class, fixing up our house, going on a solo dinner date, changing our hair, reinventing our style or reinventing ourselves…we get stuck in the loop of healing.
So I want to ask you some questions; gently, but honestly.
What are you REALLY waiting for?
Are you waiting until you feel completely healed before you start to show up in your life?
Are you waiting to start something new?
Are you waiting to live joyfully?
Are you waiting to live out loud because somewhere deep down, you still think you’re not ready?
Let me lovingly say this…You do not need to be fully healed to live fully. You do not need to be “done” to be whole. You do not need to be perfect to be powerful. Your kids don’t need a perfect mother, they need a present one. Your partner doesn’t need a perfect version of you, they need one who’s willing to keep choosing to live fully. You don’t need another breakthrough. you need to believe that the one you already had is enough to begin to live again. Living well doesn’t start after the work. Living IS the work. It’s laughing with your kids over takeout on a Tuesday. It’s date night with your partner, creating inside jokes that make you laugh so hard you cry when you think about them. It’s date night with yourself, cherishing your own company. It’s planting something in your yard or your soul and letting it grow without micromanaging the roots. It’s rest. It’s playing. It’s creating something that has nothing to do with your trauma story. It’s letting yourself be. It’s living on purpose.
This is your reminder that you don’t have to earn your right to joy, peace or love. You don’t have to wait until the work is “done.” You are allowed to build, explore, rest, create, connect and seek joy…right now. Yes, healing matters, but so does living. Choose both.