I almost didn’t send that email. Even though I knew I was ready, something inside me kept saying, “What if you’re not?” That feeling wasn’t new to me. I spent most of my life feeling that way; unsure, afraid, and constantly questioning myself.
For years, I thought something was wrong with me because I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with my life. Growing up, everybody around me seemed to know. They had plans, careers, direction… and me? I didn’t know. In fact, I never did. The only thing I knew was that I wanted to help people, but I didn’t know HOW. I was shy and scared of everything; scared to speak up and scared to try new things. Even small things made me uncomfortable. I stayed quiet, stayed safe, and spent most of my life trying not to be noticed.
Living in Survival Mode
When I really think about it, that fear didn’t come from nowhere. When I was 7 years old, I lost my sister. At that age, I didn’t know how to process something like that. I didn’t have the tools or the words for grief, but I remember how it made me feel: unsafe, confused, and afraid. After that, something inside me changed. I became someone who needed security above everything else. I avoided risks and stayed small just to play it safe, and for a long time, I thought that was just my personality. I didn’t realize it was pain I had never healed. Because of that fear and trauma, safety became everything to me. So, I stayed in places and situations where I felt safe, even when I wasn’t happy. I stayed in the same corporate customer service job for over 30 years. Was it my purpose? No. But looking back now, I can see that season of my life shaped me in ways I didn’t understand at the time.
I took countless customer service and emotional intelligence courses, and through that work I learned so much about people, emotions, stress, and human behavior; especially during difficult financial situations. And honestly, the job also gave me something I deeply needed at the time: security. Looking back now, I don’t think any of it was wasted.
Turning Pain Into Purpose
One day I decided to get a Life Coach, and one of the biggest things she taught me is that everything we go through can become part of our gift. I remember joking with her about that in the beginning. I would say, “How can I turn my past into a gift when I’ve only experienced bad things?”
Now, I finally understand what she meant. Because I’ve been through so much, I can now connect with people in a very real way. Whether someone is struggling with fear, heartbreak, self-doubt, abandonment, confidence, relationships, or feeling lost in life… chances are I can understand the feeling behind it, and that connection became part of my gift. My life experiences became my gifts.
But before connecting with my life coach, I kept telling myself that one day I would figure out my purpose. I told myself that for years, but purpose never seemed to find me. Instead, my life started falling apart before things finally started coming together.
It all started with my first panic attack, and that became the beginning of my healing journey. At the time, I truly believed something was wrong with me, but I was determined to “fix” myself. So I started trying everything: therapy, church, self-development, books, podcasts, healing work and then I found…life coaching. For the first time in my life, I really started understanding myself.
I started healing fears and patterns I didn’t even realize were controlling my life; fear of the future, fear of rejection, fear of failure, and fear of being seen. Like I said, I used to be afraid of a lot back then.
I got SO excited about what I was learning that I started talking about it with everybody: my kids, friends, co-workers and anybody who would listen. I just wanted people to feel what I was feeling. When I discovered affirmations, I became passionate about sharing them too. They helped me so much during the beginning of my healing journey that I wanted everyone around me to experience that same hope, and that’s what inspired me to create My 10 Minutes of Affirmations for Everyday Situations.
The book was too short for Amazon publishing at the time, so I decided to print it myself. I took it to a local printing shop and sold copies to friends and family; honestly, I practically forced everyone to buy one. Then one day, a bartender who purchased my book told me how much it had helped her. And I remember thinking, if I helped even one person, it was worth it. That’s actually something I wrote in one of my affirmations:
“I want to make the world a better place, one person at a time.”
The Moment Everything Changed
Then one day, I was talking to a friend who was grieving the loss of her mother. After we talked, she said something that completely changed my life.
“You should be a life coach. You have a gift. You make people feel better. The way you explain things is so relatable and easy to understand,” she said.
Becoming a life coach had never even crossed my mind before that conversation, but when she said it, something inside me just knew. Like DEEP down, I just knew. I was 45 years old, and for so long, I thought I was behind in life. I thought maybe I had missed my chance. But at 45 years old, my purpose finally found me and I decided right then to follow that path. So, if you think it’s too late to find your purpose, trust me… it’s not. I found mine at 45 years old, and honestly, I think I had to become myself first before I was ready for it.
Healing While Helping Others Heal
Becoming a life coach, however, wasn’t some magical smooth ride after that. Actually, it brought up a whole new level of fear. Imposter syndrome hit me HARD. I remember frequently saying to myself, “Who am I kidding? I can’t do this. I’m a fraud. Who’s going to listen to me?” Not to mention, while I was coaching others… I was still healing too.
My very first client was an extremely talented painter who couldn’t see his own greatness. He didn’t believe in himself enough to fully go after his dreams or confidently sell his work. And while listening to him, I realized something: I was doing the exact same thing in my own life. So every exercise I gave him to build confidence and believe in himself… I started doing too because I realized I needed the same healing. That’s when I understood something important: I didn’t magically become this perfectly confident life coach overnight. I was still growing while helping others grow. I was healing while coaching which made me a better coach. I wasn’t teaching from perfection. I was teaching from lived experience.
Little by little, I kept going anyway. I got certified, started coaching, writing and taking public speaking classes. I even started speaking publicly which is something I never imagined myself doing because it used to terrify me. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was finally finding myself and slowly, everything started flowing instead of feeling forced.
Finding Yourself First
That’s when I realized something that completely changed the way I see purpose. I don’t think purpose is something you go out there and chase, and I don’t think everybody is simply born knowing exactly what they’re meant to do. Now I believe your purpose finds you when you start finding yourself. For me, my purpose was hidden underneath fear, self-doubt, and trauma, and once I started healing… everything changed. It wasn’t magically overnight, but slowly. One decision opened the door for another.
I started going to the gym. I started healing my habits. I gradually cut alcohol out of my life. I started yoga. I kept learning. I kept growing and I kept showing up for myself. Over time, I became someone I once couldn’t even imagine being. Healing didn’t magically make me fearless. It helped me trust myself enough to keep going anyway.
Today, I still get scared and doubt myself sometimes, but now, fear doesn’t stop me because now I understand that growth and fear can exist at the same time.
If you’re reading this feeling lost or confused about your purpose, I just want you to know something: maybe your real purpose isn’t something outside of you that you have to chase, or something you’re born already knowing. Maybe your real purpose is finding yourself through healing, growing and learning who you really are underneath all the fear and self-doubt. Here’s the truth: when you finally start discovering the most authentic version of yourself, your purpose has a way of finding you too.
Finding Yourself with Coach Glenny is a reflective series focused on healing, personal growth, and becoming the most authentic version of yourself. Through relatable storytelling and lived experience, I help women navigate fear, self-doubt, healing, confidence, and purpose. Check out my first episode and be on the lookout for more to come.
