I didn’t notice the change right away. Exercise wasn’t a practice in my family. We went to church together. We ate together. We attended sporting events together. But outside of sports, physical activity was not a priority. It wasn’t woven into the fabric of our family principles and dynamics.
A few years ago, a friend and I were talking about how, as people who live in Black bodies, we often struggle to accept that not everything has to be a fight. So much of what it has historically meant to be Black and female—both across generations and across the globe—has been to fight. Fight for our freedom. Fight to be seen, fight to be heard, fight to achieve, fight to be worthy, and fight to be equal.
As women, we are constantly told to “stay true to ourselves,” to “be authentic,” and to embrace who we are.
Yet, there’s an unspoken expectation that we should also remain frozen in time. Our appearance, our values, our relationships, and even our careers should fit some idealized version of youth and perfection. But what if we could release the pressure to stay the same, to evolve gracefully in every aspect of life, and to embrace change rather than fear it?
There’s a moment many women encounter when they look in the mirror and wonder, Where did she go? That vibrant, confident, joyful version of yourself who laughed freely, dreamed boldly, and carried a spark that lit up every room—sometimes she feels lost under the weight of responsibilities, pain, or life’s unexpected twists.
What does it take to reach a dream? Planning, preparation, action. Time, energy, motivation. I tend to think of dreams as big long-term goals. You might dream of starting your own company, getting married, or retiring early. When you begin planning and preparing, you may realize there are many smaller goals to reach before you get to the big dream, with steps to take for each smaller goal. You may succeed sometimes, fail other times, and still reach the larger goal.
Your 30’s are a building decade. You’re chasing opportunities, trying to prove yourself and beginning to lay the groundwork for your future. But here’s the thing: the choices you make in your 30’s don’t just shape that decade, they show up in your 40’s. It’s not about hustling harder or being booked and busy. It’s about alignment, relationships, smart money moves, and knowing when to pivot. Here are 10 things you’ll learn in your 30’s that will make your 40’s better.
