By Maya Rufino, LCSW
The Weight of Expectations
When you were a child, adults asked “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Maybe your parents saw you playing with another child and talked about you getting married to them one day. The expectations start young. They become ingrained and automatic, interwoven throughout our thoughts, driving our behaviors. Some expectations are stated explicitly, like when your mom says she wants you to start giving her grand babies or when your board says they need you to start hitting higher revenue targets. Other expectations are more implicit, like when people often comment that your mom must be your sister (she looks so young!), or when your boss only praises you when you work overtime. Regardless of explicit or implicit, these expectations can weigh heavily.
When Timelines Become Traps
As a therapist, and as a human with people in her life, I hear others express disappointment about where they are in life all the time. They thought they would be the CEO or have the ring already. They compare themselves to people more attractive/older/smarter/insert adjective here. It is common for people to believe we are behind or failing in some way. When we see ourselves not meeting expectations, we feel guilt, shame, regret, disappointment, and anxiety! The weight of the expectations, and the emotions, is often much heavier when we add the deadline of a certain age. This age deadline creates more pressure to accomplish particular goals, including an implicit comparison to others your age.
